10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship and How to Move Forward

You know that pit in your stomach after hanging out with a certain friend? The one where you feel drained instead of energized, criticized instead of supported? Yeah, that’s not just you being sensitive. Sometimes the people we call friends aren’t actually good for us.

I’ve been there myself, holding onto friendships way longer than I should have because I thought being a good friend meant accepting everything. But here’s the truth: recognizing an unhealthy friendship doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you someone who values themselves enough to notice when something’s off.

What Actually Makes a Friendship Toxic?

Before we dive into the signs, let’s get clear on what we’re talking about. A toxic friendship isn’t just having occasional disagreements or going through rough patches. Every friendship has those moments!

A toxic friendship is one where the negative consistently outweighs the positive. It’s when someone’s behavior patterns leave you feeling worse about yourself, drained of energy, or constantly walking on eggshells. These relationships chip away at your confidence and mental wellbeing rather than building you up.

The tricky part? Toxic friendships can sneak up on you gradually. What started as occasional criticism becomes constant nitpicking. What seemed like playful teasing crosses the line into genuine meanness. You don’t wake up one day in a toxic friendship – you slide into it over time.

The 10 Clear Signs of a Toxic Friendship

1. Everything Is Always About Them

You share good news and somehow the conversation circles back to their life within minutes. You’re dealing with a crisis and they turn it into a competition about whose problems are worse.

In healthy friendships, there’s a natural give and take. Sometimes you’re the one who needs more support, sometimes they do. But in toxic friendships, it’s perpetually one-sided. You’re their therapist, cheerleader, and audience – but when you need support, they’re suddenly unavailable or uninterested.

2. You Feel Worse After Spending Time Together

This is the big one. Pay attention to how you feel after hanging out with this person. Do you feel energized and happy? Or drained, anxious, and questioning yourself?

I remember having a friend where I’d literally need a nap after our coffee dates. Not because we were having so much fun I was exhausted – because the constant negativity and subtle digs were emotionally exhausting. That’s your body telling you something isn’t right.

3. They’re Competitive Instead of Supportive

A real friend celebrates your wins. A toxic friend sees your success as their failure. They might downplay your achievements, compare themselves to you constantly, or seem annoyed when good things happen for you.

Got a promotion? They’ll mention how they should’ve gotten one too. Lost weight? They’ll point out they lost more. New relationship? They’ll find something wrong with your partner. This kind of friendship turns into an exhausting competition you never signed up for.

4. Criticism Disguised as "Honesty"

"I’m just being honest" and "I’m just trying to help" become their catchphrases for saying hurtful things. Sure, real friends give constructive feedback when needed. But there’s a massive difference between caring honesty and constant criticism.

Toxic friends will pick apart your appearance, choices, relationships, and lifestyle – all under the guise of being a "real" friend who tells it like it is. But notice they’re never this "honest" about their own flaws. And their feedback leaves you feeling attacked, not supported.

5. They Violate Your Boundaries Repeatedly

You’ve told them you need space when you’re dealing with work stress. They call five times anyway. You’ve asked them not to share certain personal information. They tell mutual friends. You’ve said you can’t loan money. They ask again and guilt you about it.

Healthy friendships respect boundaries. Toxic ones treat your boundaries as suggestions – or worse, as personal attacks on them. Setting friendship boundaries shouldn’t feel like you’re committing a crime.

6. The Friendship Feels Like Work

You’re constantly managing their emotions, walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them, or overthinking everything you say. You rehearse conversations in your head. You worry about how they’ll react to your news.

Friendships should add joy to your life, not stress. Yes, relationships take effort – but they shouldn’t feel like a part-time job where you’re always on damage control duty.

7. They Gossip About Everyone (Including You)

If they’re constantly talking badly about other friends to you, guess what? They’re doing the same to others about you. This creates an environment of distrust where you never feel safe being vulnerable or authentic.

I learned this lesson the hard way when "confidential" information I shared ended up being discussed in our friend group. The betrayal stings, but it’s also a clear sign the friendship isn’t built on respect.

8. Guilt Is Their Favorite Manipulation Tool

They make you feel guilty for having other friends, spending time with your partner, being busy with work, or basically doing anything that doesn’t involve them. The guilt trips come wrapped in statements like "I guess I’m just not important to you anymore" or "Must be nice to have time for everyone else."

This manipulation tactic keeps you constantly trying to prove your loyalty while they face zero accountability for their behavior. It’s emotionally exhausting and completely unfair.

9. They’re Only Around When They Need Something

Suddenly super attentive when they need a favor, place to stay, emotional support, or someone to vent to. But when you reach out? Radio silence. Or they’re "too busy" to show up for you.

Watch the patterns. If someone consistently disappears when things are good in their life or only surfaces when they need something, that’s not a friendship. That’s you being used.

10. Your Other Relationships Suffer

Your partner, family, or other friends have expressed concern about this friendship. You find yourself canceling plans with people who treat you well to accommodate this toxic friend. Or you’re so drained from managing the toxic friendship that you have nothing left for your healthy relationships.

Sometimes the people who love us can see things we’re too close to notice. If multiple people in your life are raising red flags about a friendship, it’s worth examining why.

Why We Stay in Toxic Friendships

You might be reading this list thinking "yep, that’s my friend" while also wondering why you haven’t walked away. You’re not alone in that struggle.

We stay for lots of reasons. Sometimes it’s history – you’ve been friends since childhood and letting go feels like losing a piece of yourself. Sometimes it’s guilt – they’re going through something hard and leaving feels cruel. Sometimes it’s fear – they’re part of your friend group and leaving might mean losing everyone.

Other times, we stay because the toxic friend isn’t awful 100% of the time. There are good moments mixed in with the bad, and those moments keep us hoping they’ll change or things will get better. It’s similar to any toxic relationship pattern – the intermittent good treatment keeps us hooked.

We might also stay because we don’t want to be "dramatic" or we tell ourselves we’re being too sensitive. Society often tells women to be accommodating, to not rock the boat, to give endless chances. Learning to take care of yourself means unlearning some of these patterns.

How to Move Forward from Toxic Friendships

Recognizing you’re in an unhealthy friendship is the first step. But what do you actually do about it? Here are practical approaches that respect your wellbeing while navigating this difficult situation.

Create Distance Gradually

You don’t always need a dramatic confrontation or official "break-up." Sometimes the healthiest approach is gradually creating space. Respond less frequently to messages. Become less available for hangouts. Let the friendship naturally fade rather than forcing a big conversation.

This works especially well if the person is part of a larger friend group or if you know they’ll make ending the friendship extremely difficult. You’re not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Have the Honest Conversation

If you feel safe doing so and think it might help, you can try addressing the issues directly. Use "I" statements to express how their behavior affects you. Be specific about what needs to change.

Understand that this conversation might not go well. Toxic people often don’t react well to being called out, even gently. They may gaslight you, play the victim, or turn everything around on you. Be prepared for that possibility and know your boundaries going in.

Make a Clean Break

Sometimes the healthiest option is a clear ending. This is particularly true if the friendship is severely impacting your mental health, if they’ve crossed major lines, or if they’re not respecting your attempts to create space.

You can keep it simple: "I’ve realized our friendship isn’t healthy for me anymore. I need to move forward separately. I wish you well." You don’t owe them a detailed explanation or the opportunity to argue with you about your decision.

Process Your Feelings

Ending friendships hurts, even when they were toxic. Allow yourself to grieve. Talk to a therapist or trusted friends about what you’re experiencing. Journal about it. Don’t minimize your feelings just because the relationship wasn’t romantic.

You might feel relief mixed with sadness. You might doubt your decision sometimes. You might feel angry about the time you invested. All of these feelings are valid and normal.

Rebuild Your Social Life

Losing a friend, even a toxic one, can leave a gap in your life. Be intentional about nurturing your healthy friendships and making new connections. Join groups aligned with your interests. Say yes to invitations. Put energy into relationships with people who genuinely care about you.

The space you create by removing toxic people allows room for positive, supportive relationships to grow.

Set Better Boundaries Going Forward

Use what you learned from this experience to recognize red flags earlier in future friendships. Trust your gut when something feels off. Don’t ignore warning signs just because you want a friendship to work.

Practice setting boundaries early and often in all your relationships. Healthy people will respect them. People who don’t respect your boundaries are showing you who they are – believe them.

You Deserve Better Friendships

Here’s what I want you to know: wanting friends who actually support you, celebrate with you, and treat you with respect isn’t asking for too much. That’s literally the baseline of friendship.

You’re not being mean by protecting your peace. You’re not being dramatic by expecting reciprocity. You’re not being selfish by choosing relationships that make you feel good about yourself.

The right friends will make space for your success, respect your boundaries, show up when you need them, and add joy to your life rather than draining it. Those friendships exist, and you deserve to experience them.

Moving on from toxic friendships creates space for the connections you deserve. It might feel scary or sad right now, but on the other side of this decision is a version of you who feels lighter, more confident, and surrounded by people who genuinely value you.

Trust yourself. You know what you need. And you’re strong enough to choose it, even when it’s hard.